Places in My Heart

Last night, I sat down before 9:00 p.m. to just rest...I cannot even remember the last time that happened. Lately I have been falling into bed (or waking up on the couch amid a pile of laundry) around midnight or 1:00 IN THE MORNING! Now, if you know me well, you know this is not my norm. I am not a night owl, I am a morning person, a morning girl... But recent events in our family and home have complicated my life a bit, and the only solution has been to burn the proverbial candle at both ends. So, when the opportunity presented itself last night, I vegged. On the sofa. In front of the television. Laptop in hand. And I liked it.

I visited my sister, Cindi's blog, because it is hilarious! Seriously, folks...if ya haven't been there, you really ought to. Why? One word. Twins. Boys. 4 years old. That's why! She is so good at recording their antics and that blog always makes me smile and usually laugh out loud. A lot. So, I visited. I laughed. Tried to comment, but my computer (which is finally working again after a whole freakin' month waiting for a new cord)was not cooperating. So, I looked around a bit and came across some blogs that she has links to. One of them belongs to a childhood friend of ours and his wife who just lost a precious baby boy to a brain tumor. I read lots of their entries and cried. Another is a blog about a little girl named Sadie, who battled a brain tumor for 16 months before passing on about 3 months ago. Sadie's page is linked to many other similar stories on blogs written by broken-hearted mothers and fathers. Sad. It was so interesting to me as I read these blogs how similar they all were. Sad, yes. But also full of hope and love and understanding and peace. Now I mentioned before that my life has become, well...complicated. I won't bore you with the details, because, dear reader, I know that YOUR life is also complicated. As I read these blogs, it so clearly hit me. We all have complicated, messy, sad lives. We are all dying. It is the nature of being human.

As I sat and pondered and cried, a thought occurred to me. These precious little souls that are dying of horrible diseases are not so different from my precious children. Or yours. Or my precious husband. Or yours. I resolved to give to my children and husband and loved ones the kind of lives that these sweet parents gave to their babies when they were dying. Priorities set. Flexibility in every plan. Lots of love, lots of snuggling and kisses. Lots of yeses. If I knew my child or husband or parents or siblings had a limited amount of time to live, I would want to make every day as rich and as sweet and as love filled as possible. I started getting emotional thinking that I don't know how long my children's lives will be. Neither do I know how long my husband's life will be or mine or my parents or siblings or my friends or my not friends. But I do know that I want every day to be filled with the kind of love that I would be proud to send them home to their Heavenly Father with.

And how great would this world be if we ALL treated each other like we would treat a dying child? Can you imagine the tone of your voice, the patience you would have if you were with a terminally ill child? You would only have kind words, free of sarcasm or pessimism. You would touch them, hold them, kiss them. You would look into their eyes when you were near them, and treasure every second you had to share with them. If they were down or angry, you would have only understanding and compassion for their hurt. In short, you would show them true charity. You would feel it in your soul, and pass it on to them. Isn't that really Christ's message? Love one another as I have loved you...Love thy neighbor as thyself....the list could go on and on. The most remarkable thing about loving others in this way, is that YOUR own light shines brighter when you do, and you feel your OWN worth even more! Amazing! Whoever thought of this plan was brilliant! Genius even!

I cannot imagine the depth of pain that losing a child would cause. I don't want to know, thank you very much. I just want to know that I have been able to love and be loved in the way God intended...pure and true!

Heavenly Father is so good! Life is not easy, it's a TEST, for Heaven's sake. (Ha! That was a little pun! unintentional, even!) Thank goodness it is open-book and the Proctor will answer any questions you ask Him! (Granted, it takes a while to get the answers sometimes, but still...) Isn't it nice that we each have our own test tailored specifically to our individual needs. Nothing too easy, mind you...we need to be challenged, of course. He knows us. He loves us. and I love YOU, the reader. I hope that the next time we meet, you will know that I am a little different. That I love you a little better. That my light is shining a little brighter. Just try to overlook the bags under my eyes and the cast on my foot. And let's sit down on the couch together in front of the t.v. and read Cindi's blog...and laugh a lot!